A Rather Inelegant Courtship
by Cyprith
Summary: One hundred ways Teatime managed to catch Susan's attention and the slow, accidental process of falling in love. Teatime x Susan.
1. 001 Crash

Title: Crash

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Author's Note: I've stolen another prompt table, this one from Isaviel, and am slowly setting about making a story of it. After all, there just isn't enough Teatime Love going around. You know the drill, 100 prompts, each 100 words and hopefully by the end of this we'll have what could pass for a small, 10,000 word story. Wish me luck!

Words: 100

* * *

Susan looked up from her book at the crash in the next room and sighed. Slipping from bed with a muttered curse, she hefted the poker and made her way into the playroom.

She'd been expecting a bogeyman or an oculus fixated raven. She'd certainly _not_ been expecting to find a recently deceased assassin casually tossing marbles over his shoulder as he dug through a large box. Wondering if her poker would even be helpful given the situation, Susan cleared her throat.

"Hello, Susan," Teatime chirped without turning. "You wouldn't happen to know where I've lost my eye, would you?"


	2. 012 Tea

Title: Tea

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan really wasn't quite certain what had happened, but she was fairly sure whatever it was required a kettle of strong black tea and a nice, chocolate biscuit to properly process. Unfortunately, someone had already eaten all the biscuits.

Settling for a cup of sweetened tea instead, Susan had only just put the kettle on when a double set of footsteps barreled down the stairs.

"Susan! That creepy man with the funny eye is back," Gawain whined.

"And," Twyla added, not to be outdone, "He's going through my _things_!"

Susan cursed silently and reached for the poker.

"Lead the way."


	3. 004 Erratic

Title: Erratic

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

"Teatime," Susan growled.

"I told you, I'm not leaving without my eye," he snapped and stopped, turning with a twitchy sort of grin. "But then, I might not leave at all. You _were_ ever so much fun."

"Do the voice on him!" Twyla hissed.

"Run him through again!" Gawain chimed in.

Susan smiled then. And in the deepest recesses of his erratic, corkscrew mind, Teatime knew this was a Very Bad Thing.

"Don't worry," Susan purred at the look in his eye. "I'm sure it'll be… instructive. _Educational_ even." And then, softly, "Twyla, be a dear and close the door."


	4. 040 Good Riddance

Title: Good Riddance

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

"And good riddance," Susan muttered, shutting the window with a firm _thunk_, not bothering to make sure Teatime hit the ground. "He's certainly becoming rather tiresome for a ghost."

"Why's he coming back?" Gawain asked, jumping back into bed.

Susan paused at the window, at a loss for words. _He wants his eye back_ didn't sound very… appropriate given the circumstances and _you know that marble you're so fond of_ could be the start of a long string of late night terrors and sodden bed sheets.

"I'm not sure, really," she said at last. "I think he lost his marbles."


	5. 035 Heat

Title: Heat

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime lay in the snow, more or less invisible to passing traffic, listening to the throb of pain in limbs he didn't have. Slowly, his lips quirked into a grin, a sideways giggle bubbling deep in his aching chest.

Death was terribly boring, really, and far too cold for him. Susan, on the other hand… Susan was promising, ignoring the nasty business with the poker, of course.

Carefully, Teatime picked himself up and turned to melt through the door, back into the circle of heat and distant, angry muttering.

Oh yes. Susan was going to be a _lot_ of fun.


	6. 011 Odds and Ends

Title: Odds and Ends

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

Author's Note: I'm having far too much fun with this. XD

* * *

Susan waited until the children were asleep before looking for that damn eye. The sooner it was found, the sooner she could make him _bugger off_. She rather expected it was the only thing keeping him Disc-bound. Except poor, perpetually confused Teatime couldn't straighten his thoughts long enough to _find_ it.

She smiled at that, laughing a little as she sorted through the odds and ends in Gawain's bedside table. At last she found the eye, stuck behind a large whistle. Perhaps, if Teatime were good, she'd give it back.

Or else she'd go on playing cricket with his head.


	7. 003 Futile

Title: Futile

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime waged a futile search for his eye, going so far as to climb under the beds. Except Susan's. He wasn't about to set foot in room. That was where she kept the poker. 

And so he was left to mill about, occasionally peering inside grandfather clocks and sugar bowls on the off chance that he'd missed it.

He was _not_ trying to work up the courage to enter Susan's room. He was an _assassin_. No, he was simply… lulling her into a false sense of security. Yes, that certainly sounded like a good excuse.

Plan, rather. A good _plan_.


	8. 038 Nightmare

Title: Nightmare

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan woke up the next morning feeling rather warbley and uncomfortable. It'd been years and years since she'd had a proper nightmare, but this one definitely qualified. She didn't remember much of it— only that it'd been about Teatime, a good deal of chocolate and what may or may not have been a giant, talking frog.

Not that giant, talking frogs were particularly frightening. No, the bit that had her warbley was the part where Teatime had suddenly turned around and _kissed her_, with a knowing, too-adult look in his eyes… well, _eye_.

He was still missing one, after all.


	9. 082 Elephant

Title: Elephant

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime hadn't left. She knew it as soon as she trekked down to the kitchen for her morning cup of tea. She couldn't _see_ him, which meant he was probably standing _inside_ something, but she could _feel_ him watching her. 

It was an odd sort of feeling. Something like knowing there was a two-ton elephant hiding behind the curtains, or an Eater of Socks waiting in the bottom of the hamper.

Susan stopped suddenly, feeling the air shift behind her.

"Teatime," she growled. "If you'd like to keep your hand, I suggest you remove it from my pocket this instant."


	10. 028 Ignore

Title: Ignore

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime ignored her warning. After all, she wasn't armed, and while she was strong for a woman, she wasn't near his match. Besides, he could _feel_ something in her pocket. If only he could grab it… 

Emerging from her pocket with his prize clenched in hand, Teatime grinned triumphantly, expecting to see his eye when he opened his fist. What he found was a rather complicated hair clip and a large, hefty knickknack flying at his head.

A moment later found him sprawled dazed on the floor, Susan standing over him, a painful looking poker beginning its decent.

Oh _bugger_.


	11. 002 Dim

Title: Dim

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

At the moment, Teatime had a rather dim outlook on life. Were he actually still in possession of a solar plexus, he'd swear Susan had broken it. And that was not fun _at all_. He just wanted his eye. That nasty little blighter had stolen it, he knew, but where had he _put_ it?

He _would_ find his eye. It was only a matter of time. And once he had it, he could have a bit of fun with Susan. And _that_ was definitely a pleasant idea.

Or it would have been, had he any idea where his eye _was_.


	12. 074 Alone

Title: Alone

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan watched the children play, feeling ever so triumphant in her victory. Oh, Teatime was _around_, yes. But he was around in the way cologne is when it floats on the breeze. He'd show up again, yes, but for the moment, they were blessedly _alone_.

"Gawain, be careful," she admonished. "That _is_ sharp."

He pouted in her direction, arms crossed— doll in one hand, sword in the other.

"But she's been sentenced to _death_. I _have_ to cut her head off."

"Those're the rules," Twyla chirped helpfully. "She's a traitor, see."

"And besides," Gywain added. "She's got a funny eye."


	13. 023 Devious

Title: Devious

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime grinned, giggling to himself as the bright edge of a plan took shape in his head. The problem with Susan was that there were far too many fireplace pokers around. If he could just be rid of those… and the large, objectionably heavy knickknacks… and possibly those rather painful looking frying pans… maybe even a teapot or two, just to be safe… if he could do that, he'd be perfectly safe.

Good humor restored at this brilliant, devious plan, Teatime crept down from the attic, intent on stealing everything that looked even _remotely_ painful.

He _would_ win this game.


	14. 022 Murmur

Title: Murmur

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

There was a murmur of malevolence in the air, the sort that generally comes when small children begin plotting. Except Gawain and Twyla were being good— both of them playing Klatchian Inquisition with Twyla's new dolls, Gawain's toy soldiers and wooden sword.

And if _they_ weren't plotting, Teatime _was_.

Susan brought a hand to the bosom of her corset where even the bravest thieves wouldn't dare to venture. Currently it contained a locket her parents had given her, a ring on a long chain and Teatime's eye.

Refusing to dwell on how _wrong_ that sounded, Susan leaned back to wait.


	15. 007 Hold

Title: Hold

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan entered her room and frowned. It was freezing. If she didn't know any better, she'd expect the water in the pitcher to be frozen solid. Deciding that was what she got for letting the fire die, she made it halfway across the room before realizing the pokers were missing.

_Oh bugger_.

A second later there was a hand on her mouth, a warm, lithe body pressed against her back.

"I want what's mine, Susan," he whispered. And then he was gone, leaving Susan alone and shaking in her anger.

At least, she tried to convince herself it was anger.


	16. 079 Silence

Title: Silence

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan stood there for a long moment, staring around the room. The fireplace pokers were not the only things missing. Somehow, the pictures above the mantel had grown legs and wandered off, her pitcher was missing, the loose bedpost had been unscrewed and ferreted away…

Teatime had taken everything she could have used to beat him into a paste.

What was worse, the house was _silent_. Not the sort of silence that comes from a simple absence of sound. No, this was the far more sinister _waiting silence_.

"Bloody stupid Teatime," she muttered, going off to look for a poker.


	17. 077 Calling

Title: Calling

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime didn't come back for days. Oh, she _felt_ him occasionally. But by the time she'd turned, he'd disappeared. Susan was positive he'd taken to haunting the grandfather clock as the poor thing had recently gone mad. For no reason at all, it would call out nonexistent times, counting up to thirteen— sometimes twenty-seven— before it finally stopped.

Still, she couldn't catch him at it. And as tempted as she was to take the pendulum out of the clock simply to have something to _beat_ him with, she rather expected the Gaiters wouldn't take well to that.

Bloody stupid Teatime…


	18. 032 Choke

Title: Choke

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

Author's Note: I had to use the term _brained him_. I just had to.

* * *

A week passed, and while the clock was still raving mad, she'd not caught so much as a glance of passing black. On edge as she could be, Susan slipped into bed, making sure the glass eye was firmly in place.

She woke to find Teatime looming over her, his hands around her neck, cheerfully murderous as he choked her.

"I would like my eye back, Susan," he purred, leaning close enough to kiss.

Turning vaguely blue, Susan ripped the drawer from the bedside table and brained him so hard he flew from the bed and disappeared through the floor.


	19. 019 Alive

Title: Alive

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

The threat of the bedside drawer kept Teatime away for another week. At least she _thought_ it had until she woke up one night to find him sitting at the window _watching her_. He looked oddly alive, despite the gaping hole where his glass eye should be.

And looking into his eyes, she found herself drawn. Like staring into an abyss as your scarf fell down, _down, __**down…**_ It was, and yet it was an intelligent, if _cracked_ abyss.

"I'm waiting, Susan," he said softly, his eyes never leaving her face.

"Rot in hell, Teatime," she growled, hefting the drawer.


	20. 092 Drive

Title: Drive

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime was rather good at driving people mad. He seemed especially good at driving _Susan_ mad, though he wasn't sure why, really. It didn't even take that much effort. He could make her shiver if he let his fingers drift through her hair. She'd jump if he blew air over the back of her neck. And if he drew close enough to feel her heat, she'd twitch and glance around. With a whispered word he'd have sweat beading on her forehead, her hands clenching in the sheets as she coiled up in nightmares.

At least, he _assumed_ they were nightmares.


	21. 065 Revenge

Title: Revenge

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan ranted quietly to herself as she stormed through the hallways, looking strangely fierce with a bedside drawer in hand, determined to find where Teatime had hidden the pokers. And once she found them, she was going to take the coal shovel and beat him so hard she'd set that crooked excuse for a mind of his straight. He had, apparently, missed a few _very_ important rules in the Assassins' Handbook.

1. Do not, under any circumstances irritate Death's granddaughter.

2. Especially not when she happens to be in possession of one bedside drawer and a large sack of marbles.


	22. 049 Intent

Title: Intent

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime wasn't happy. He'd had to fish a few dozen marbles from various orifices he hadn't had the day before and he _still _didn't have his eye. Add to that, Susan wasn't playing fair _at all_. She really shouldn't have been able to cause so much damage with the handle of a bedside drawer. And why couldn't he _stop her?_ Every time he got up, intent on stealing whatever she was currently using to throttle him, _something_ drove him back.

What he needed was a plan. A really good plan.

One that avoided that bloody frying pan at all costs.


	23. 067 Desire

Title: Desire

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

These dreams were absurd. Every night this week Susan had woken up sweating, a single name at her lips, awash with… something unpleasant. It wasn't desire. The very thought was ridiculous. _Her_ in _love_ with _Teatime_? The man could barely think a straight line, let alone contemplate… things _she_ certainly wasn't contemplating.

No, the mere thought was lunacy. Susan absolutely did not want him in any way. And that was why she kept his eye… because if she didn't he'd… do something unpleasant. Like haunt the attic, or steal all the pokers and frying pans in the house…

Or _leave_.


	24. 009 Broken

Title: Broken

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Somewhere after the eighth restless night, Susan decided it _had_ to be Teatime's fault Had to be. There was no way in hell she'd be dreaming of something so… _wrong_ on her own. Little bastard probably thought it was funny.

Susan grit her teeth at the thought before forcing herself to relax with more pleasant thoughts. Like breaking Teatime's legs. _That_ was certainly a pleasant thought. If she were clever, she could even strangle him with them.

Susan waited. Teatime never came.

"Bugger all," she muttered, and slipping from bed, went off to the kitchen for a cup of tea.


	25. 037 Fall

Title: Fall

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Death's granddaughter or not, the sleepless nights caught up with Susan on the stairwell. She tripped and groped madly for the banister, but her hand hit only air.

_Oh bugger_, she thought, bracing for impact just as an arm caught around her waist, pulling her backwards. The motion knocked Teatime's eye from the bosom of her nightdress though, and she watched as it bounced down the stairs in her stead.

_Oh __**shit**_

Susan stopped time, grabbed the eye and ran. But it was a little late. At the top of the stairs, Teatime grinned.

_So that's where she keeps it… _


	26. 006 Soft

Title: Soft

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime couldn't for the death of him figure out how to work the sort of half corset Susan always wore to bed. There were so many clasps and hooks and funny little ribbons that didn't seem to go anywhere or have any real purpose at all that Teatime found himself completely and utterly _lost_.

Carefully, he reached forward and pulled the top bow, marveling at how women expected to achieve anything with such a sorry excuse for a knot. The corset opened enough though and he prized his eye free, all the while thinking g_ods,_ _Susan's skin is so… soft._


	27. 010 Precious

Title: Precious

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime was pleased to have his eye back where it belonged. He _hated_ seeing out of only one. It gave him a horrible headache and he was always _sure _someone was right behind him.

He'd have fun with Susan now that he'd stolen his eye back. Though he hadn't been able to redo her corset. The more he'd tried, the more it'd exploded. And he was sure Susan would _not_ like that.

A hiccup sliced through Teatime's cheerful giggle, forcing the two marbles Susan had lodged in his throat into his mouth. Grinning, he pocketed these, wondering when Susan woke.


	28. 031 Belong

Title: Belong

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

To say Susan was frustrated was a severe understatement. Teatime had his eye back, which meant he was plotting to cause all sorts of havoc, and suddenly she didn't even have anything to _stop_ him.

Which was _not bloody fair _as the stupid blighter didn't even _belong_ here. He was _dead_. How was it possible that he'd come back to haunt her? He'd faded off. She'd _seen_ him. And Susan knew damn well Grandfather did _not_ let folk wander off after they'd faded.

They were going to have to have a talk about this. Hopefully before Teatime found the poker.


	29. 056 I Know

Title: I Know

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

"I know why you're angry, Susan," Teatime purred in her ear as she readied for bed. "You're _losing_."

She did not jump. She refused to give him the satisfaction.

"Oh?" she asked coldly. "I didn't realize it was a game."

In a split second he was sitting cross-legged on the bed.

"You did, or you wouldn't be _playing_."

Susan glared, picking up the heavy cast-iron coal shovel.

"Playing, am I?"

"Oh, no." In a flash, Teatime had grabbled the shovel. "I don't think so, Susan."

He was _grinning_. And Susan knew enough to recognize this was a Very Bad Thing.


	30. 044 Burn

Title: Burn

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

The kiss burned so deep Susan half fancied she'd have scars. It was obvious Teatime hadn't kissed before— or at least not very often— but there was a raw talent there that lit her every nerve ending on fire.

Gods, if this man knew what he was doing, he'd be capable of driving _any_ woman insane, let alone her.

As it was, Susan had just enough brain cells still firing to distract him with her left hand as she reached around with her right, slipping a poker from the fire to bring down with a satisfying _thunclang_ over his head.


	31. 084 Reality

Title: Reality

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan sat up in bed shaking with adrenaline long after Teatime had gone through the wall. The reality of the situation disturbed her. With his eye back, Teatime could do pretty much whatever he liked. This was a game to him. Just a really fun _game_. But what if it _stopped_ being fun?

What if Teatime decided to _play_ with the children?

What if he decided to _experiment_?

What if it became more than a kiss?

Susan rose from the bed and began to dress. She couldn't put off seeing Grandfather any longer. Teatime needed to be dealt with… _professionally_.


	32. 093 Missing

Title: Missing

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime's head rang something fierce but he giggled even as he lay on the attic floor. He'd wanted to try that for a while, but never found someone… _interesting_ enough. Susan was certainly interesting, and while he'd expected something big, he'd never expected _that_.

Grinning to himself, he dropped through the floor, intent on discovering just what _else_ bothered Susan. But she wasn't in her room… or the playroom… or even the kitchen.

Disappointed, Teatime trekked back up to the attic, suddenly rather depressed. Susan had gone to play elsewhere. That wasn't fair _at all_.

And then, unaccountably, Teatime _grinned_.


	33. 086 Bone

Title: Bone

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Back into the kingdom of bone… Susan sighed, carefully sidestepping the cats as they wound around her feet. There was a certain smell lingering in the air, though she wasn't sure if it could be classified as food. However, she couldn't keep her mind on it long. A mismatched pair of what could loosely be considered eyes haunted her.

"Albert?" she called as she made her way down a long and winding corridor. "Is Grandfather in?"

A reddened, cheerful face poked through an opening in the wall and grinned.

"Oi! Susan, you're just in time. I'm frying up a pudding."


	34. 063 Waiting

Title: Waiting

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime frowned out the attic window, wondering when Susan would return. He wasn't _impatient_, as such. No, being Teatime, he was _very_ good at waiting… simply not where Susan was concerned. Because he hadn't seen her before she went missing to know how angry she was. And the children were running around like little savages, almost as though they'd never… had a governess.

…oh bugger

Susan had gone off to see Death. Which meant Susan was sending Death off to collect him. And there wasn't much chance of his slipping away _again_.

Damn. And he'd had such a perfect plan, too.


	35. 034 Difficult

Title: Difficult

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

WHAT DO YOU MEAN MR. TEATIME IS BEING _DIFFICULT?_ HE'S DEAD.

"He's haunting me, actually," Susan said sheepishly, feeling a little like a child caught doing something mischievous. _Bloody Teatime_.

If skulls could frown…

THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE.

"He lives in the attic," Susan added helpfully. "At least that's where he takes the pokers."

HE'S BECOME A POLTERGEIST?

She nodded.

"He's really becoming quite a pest. If you could remove him…?"

Death was silent.

"You _can _remove him, can't you?" Susan pressed, growing nervous.

Finally, he looked up from his violin, an unreadable expression on his skull.

IT WILL BE… DIFFICULT.


	36. 041 Goodbye

Title: Goodbye

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Catching Teatime was rather complicated. It involved a great deal of shouting and bedside-table drawers, the latter of which Death quickly learned not to question. At length they caught him, looking disheveled and miserable in the far corner of the attic.

_I _bet_ no one wanted to _play_ with you…_

Susan glared to hide the sudden wash of pity, hefting the drawer.

It almost hurt to see Teatime wince.

YOU'RE COMING WITH ME, MR. TEATIME, Death announced, sweeping forward to grab the assassin by the scruff of his collar.

"Goodbye, Susan," he murmured, waving sadly.

And that really _did_ hurt.


	37. 094 Full Moon

Title: Full Moon

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

The next week passed blessedly free of any Teatime not occurring around four in the afternoon and Susan couldn't be happier. Well, most of Susan couldn't be happier. There was a bit of her suddenly keeping her up at night with useless, stupid comments like _he must be miserable _and _he was only playing._

Which was absolutely mad of her. Teatime was a bloody _assassin_. A _deranged _bloody assassin. He was completely loony, without morals or any sense of right and wrong. _Playing_ would _kill her_. And yet here she sat, looking out the window at the moon, _missing him_.


	38. 068 Free

Title: Free

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Death (the state of being) was not as complicated as Teatime had expected. It was just a sort of endless gray abyss belonging to Death (the anthropomorphic personification). And like all vast expanses of space belonging to various anthropomorphic personifications, it had a weakness. Namely the gaping hole to his left.

Teatime rather suspected this was the door he'd been forced through earlier. What he didn't know, however, was that it was impossible for him to get back through.

But, as he was completely unaware of this fact, the door didn't think it polite stop him on his way out.


	39. 015 Soothe

Title: Soothe

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Suddenly barraged with all manor of disturbing thoughts concerning one recently re-deceased assassin, Susan decided a bath was in order. The muscles in her shoulders had knotted horribly— even _with_ Teatime gone— and there was no way she could continue to function this way.

When the rest of the house had gone off to bed, she filled the tub, sinking into the soothing heat with an appreciative sigh, banishing all thoughts that didn't immediately concern her nice frothy bubbles or lovely cup of tea.

She certainly wasn't thinking of Teatime and she _definitely_ didn't miss him.

Not even a little.


	40. 027 Winter

Title: Winter

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime hated the cold. In life, he'd made a point of avoiding the snow at all cost. Unfortunately his recent escape didn't leave him much choice in the matter. By the time he reached the house, he was shaking so badly his teeth were chattering. Which was terribly annoying as it wasn't the least bit dignified, but to save his soul, Teatime couldn't force himself to stop.

Susan looked very comfortable though, in her nice hot bath, sipping her steaming cup of tea. In fact, she didn't even appear in that foul a mood anymore. Perhaps she wouldn't mind sharing…


	41. 039 Contagious

Title: Contagious

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan startled awake suddenly, tea sloshing from her cup.

"How in the hell…"

Teatime was standing opposite the large, copper tub, _shivering_.

"S… share?" he managed between chattering teeth.

Susan sat there for a long moment, watching him as he shook, wondering if she were dreaming. This wasn't possible. No one _escaped_ from Death's country. It was impossible… and yet there Teatime was, shivering so badly his teeth chattered, looking rather… tame.

"Please?" he asked softly.

Wondering if the man's insanity was a contagious sort, Susan sighed.

"Alright. Just let me get dressed." And then, when Teatime didn't move. "_Alone_."


	42. 013 Twisted

Title: Twisted

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan made sure to shut the bathroom door when she left, not wanting to see hide nor hair of the man. They certainly made a pair, didn't they? Each of them as twisted as the other…

Susan sighed and sat down at the dressing table in hopes of taming her hair but it was just as agitated as she was, waging war with the brush. At length she simply gave up and slipped into her nightdress, taking her book from the bedside table in hopes of lulling her hair into a false sense of security.

This was all _Teatime's_ fault…


	43. 085 Serenity

Title: Serenity

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Warmer now, Teatime padded into the bedroom to find Susan sleeping, book loose in her fingers. Deciding it would be rude to leave her like that after she'd shared her bath, Teatime crept close to tuck her in, frowning at her tangled half-bun.

Very carefully, so as not to wake her, he eased himself into the bed beside her and began to work out the knots in her hair. It didn't take long before it was snapping happily at him, reaching up to twine around his fingers.

There was a certain serenity in touching someone, he found.

Especially someone Susan-shaped.


	44. 042 Scarred

Title: Scarred

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan wasn't sure if she were dreaming, but she was far too comfortable to move and find out. Teatime was lying in the bed beside her, one arm curled protectively over her shoulder, her cheek nestled in the curve of his neck.

Scars crossed and danced over his torso, some old, some freshly pink. Hers was there as well, the little diamond where the poker had pierced the flesh beneath his breastbone. He stirred and murmured something as she touched it, turning towards her to press his nose into her hair.

Definitely dreaming, Susan decided, and went back to sleep.


	45. 018 Push

Title: Push

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

The second time Susan woke it was time for her to get to work. What had been a comfortable coil of limbs turned into a panicked scramble, which in her rush for the drawer, pushed Teatime from the bed.

Waking at the impact, he wisely chose to disappear into the floor rather than brave the slab of nearly-solid oak he knew would be coming. And so by the time Susan had made it back over the bed to beat him, he was gone.

Actually, he'd simply folded himself into the opposite bedside table. But she didn't have to know that.


	46. 048 Shine

Title: Shine

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Suddenly not certain she'd seen Teatime at all, Susan made her way to the vanity, dreading the sight of her hair. But it looked... _perfect._ It was shiny and vibrant, practically _glowing _as it lazily twined and untwined.

It looked like it had just had the most amazing sex… or at least hair's equivalent of sex. Bloody Teatime.

Aggravated, Susan tried to coax her hair into a bun, but it refused to do anymore than drape over her fingers.

Lovely. Bloody wonderful. She'd just put it up the _normal_ way then, and shave Teatime bald next time she saw him.


	47. 046 Monster

Title: Monster

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

It was a very bad day to be a bogeyman. Or at least, it was a very bad day to be a bogeyman who'd missed the day in bogey training where they spoke of Susan Sto-Helit and how upon certain days of the month one should consider a different career path.

Perhaps that of the small, nearly invisible dust speck in the corner

Raxnuud had been ill that day. And so _this_ day found him on the receiving end of a good walloping with a poker painted with fluffy bunnies.

It was a _very_ bad day to be a bogeyman.


	48. 055 Garden

Title: Garden

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Generally speaking, Teatime wasn't good with people. But he was coming to believe he was good with _Susan_. And so, using his keen insight into granddaughters of anthropomorphic personifications, he divined that Susan Was Upset and it was Probably His Fault.

So Teatime slipped into the gardens to coax one of the hibernating roses into bloom. This he stealthily deposited into her lap as she minded the children and crept off lest she ignore his gift in favor of the dreaded poker.

Grinning at his cleverness, he watched from a distance and was completely dumfounded when Susan began to _cry_.


	49. 054 Nowhere

Title: Nowhere

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan stared blindly down at the rose in her lap. When she realized she was crying, she stopped time to keep from startling the children. It was the rule, after all. Susan _never_ cried.

Except when out-of-season roses fell from nowhere, triggering the realization that she hadn't gotten a rose from _anyone_ in ages, much less an admirer. And the fact that her admirer was not only deceased, but insane _and_ an assassin… Well, it just wasn't right. Why couldn't she bloody well be normal for once in her life?

And why was there no _chocolate_ in this godforsaken house?


	50. 016 Fight

Title: Fight

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

"I'm older!"

"But you're a_ girl_!"

"_You're_ a girl!"

"Am not!"

Susan sighed and rose, wondering what could have the children fighting this late.

"You are! I know. Mother said!"

"She didn't! Besides, I found him!"

_Him_? Susan frowned and eased the door open to find Gawain and Twyla manhandling a rather awkward assassin.

"Gawain's a boy, Twyla," she said, deftly prying Teatime from them. "And you know we don't keep bogeymen in the house."

"But, _Susan_—" they chorused.

"_No_. Back to bed. And if the bogeyman hasn't left once I tuck you in..."

But Teatime was already gone.


	51. 069 Celebration

Title: Celebration

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime disappeared after she saved him from the children. Susan looked, but he wasn't in the attic or the closet or any furniture so far as she could tell. For all intents and purposes, he'd vanished. Which should have been a cause for celebration. After all, hadn't she brought Grandfather here to get rid of the annoying little bugger?

But somehow, she missed him. It wasn't as though he were really violent, after all. He threatened, and he had a bad habit of playing rough, but he didn't do it to hurt her. And he _had_ brought her a rose…


	52. 057 Dust

Title: Dust

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime lay on the attic floor, drawing Susan in the dust. He felt absolutely horrible. Susan was miserable and he hadn't the faintest idea how to cheer her up. He'd thought the flower would be _nice_. Or if it wasn't, he'd only expected her to throw it down and make irritated noises in his direction. He'd never expected her to start _crying._ That was just fundamentally… _wrong_ somehow. He'd pulled her hair, tried to kill her and her grandfather twice over…

And yet it was a _rose_ that made her cry. Bloody hell. He'd only wanted to see her smile…


	53. 059 Destiny

Title: Destiny

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan lay in bed (alone) musing on eternity (alone) and how it wasn't fair that the only man that paid her any attention was insane and _dead_. It also wasn't fair that said man was leaving her in her freezing bedroom (alone) with a stupid romance novel (alone) where everything turned out _just bloody perfect_ because everyone was just so damn _normal_ and there was always a happy bloody ending when _she_ was just going to end up (alone) being a governess (alone) for the rest of her miserable life (alone).

Where was the justice in _that_, she wondered (alone).


	54. 005 Loved

Title: Loved

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime wasn't sure he'd ever been loved really. His parents certainly hadn't bothered with him much when they were alive.

He'd had a cat who'd loved him once. At least she had until some stupid spotty bully had killed her… Teatime remembered prying the boy's eyes out with grim satisfaction. The headmaster hadn't been too pleased with that. Nor, Teatime suspected, had he really understood. But then the man had had a proper family rather than a cat.

Teatime had only had a cat. He had Susan now… Well, he loved Susan anyway. But she didn't even want his flower…


	55. 058 Dream

Title: Dream

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

When Teatime was sure Susan was sleeping, he crept down into her room. Perhaps tonight she would mumble something discernable and he'd figure out what it was he'd done wrong.

But halfway to the bed, Teatime frowned, seeing his flower in a vase beside her bed. Generally, Teatime was amazingly clever. But not when it came to Susan. He simply could not fathom why she'd burst out in tears at the sight of it, but yet had later put it by her bed. Had she… _liked_ it then?

Slowly, Teatime sat down at the foot of the bed to wait.


	56. 008 Shackles

Title: Shackles

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan jerked awake, feeling as though she'd been bound and shackled and other generally unpleasant things, only to find herself free and Teatime sitting cross-legged at the foot of her bed. He smiled hesitantly, good eye fixed on the bedside table drawer should she make a move for it. But Susan found she couldn't. She didn't have the energy to fight him anymore. Not after he'd…

"What do you want, Teatime?" She asked, exhausted.

Seeing that she wasn't going to beat him about the head with something large and painful, Teatime grinned brightly and leaned forward.

"I wanted to apologize."


	57. 033 Reach

Title: Reach

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

"Apologize?" she managed finally.

Teatime nodded, still smiling as though nothing was wrong in the world.

"For making you cry. I didn't mean to."

_Oh shit._ Susan thought. _He saw that._

"It… wasn't your fault." And then, at the expectant look on his face, "It's a very… nice flower."

"You liked it?" he asked and Susan winced. It unnerved her when he grinned like that.

"It's lovely. But where did you get a rose in the middle of winter?"

Teatime blinked at her, confused.

"The bush."

"Teatime, the bush is _dead_ and covered in a foot of snow."

But Teatime only grinned.


	58. 060 Spring

Title: Spring

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime entered his old room in the boarding house with a new spring in his step, incredibly pleased with himself. He'd been allowed to stay here as he didn't get on well with the other boys and everyone was frightened of him anyway. Even the landlady. But she left him alone because he paid the rent months in advance where her other patrons barely paid by the week.

He found what he was looking for glimmering on the windowsill above the bed and pocketed it, already reveling in his cleverness.

Though he probably should mention his death to the landlady…


	59. 070 Stars

Title: Stars

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan woke at the feel of a small, cold weight against her chest and realized that the dark wasn't nearly so… _dark_ as she remembered. Half the room was lit with an icy blue glow… that was coming from her chest.

She looked down to find a small star on a delicate golden chain nestled between her breasts. It was breathtakingly beautiful… And currently holding down a wee scrap of paper that read, in charmingly lopsided, haphazard scrawl:

_**Since you were so fond of my eye...**_

And because she was functioning solely on tea and hormones, Susan began to cry.


	60. 087 Fairy Dust

Title: Fairy Dust

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime didn't like to see Susan cry, but he was beginning to think that moving her to tears was a _good_ thing. Almost as though he'd pushed her so far opposite of unhappy that she came around the other side and cried anyway.

Or else she was simply having a bad time of it. He wasn't about to brave the drawer and find out. Though he couldn't help being rather pleased with himself. She hadn't let go of the bauble since she woke, and so looked as though she had a handful of fairy dust.

Fairy dust _he'd_ given her.


	61. 020 New

Title: New

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

Author's Note: These next ten are gonna be fun.

* * *

Susan made sure her new trinket was carefully tucked away, spending a good ten minutes turning this way and that to make sure no light peeked through the fabric of her blouse. It was odd, this necklace. No matter how long she wore it, it stayed a cool, comforting weight against her breast.

She'd bet money Teatime had killed a wizard for it. Bits of stars were hard to come by, after all. Harder still to find a jeweler who could put one on a chain.

But then, Susan was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth.


	62. 025 Starve

Title: Starve

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan found herself in a remarkably good mood. She was even considering the children's desire to have a pet. A normal governess would weigh the merits before taking the issue up with their parents. But Susan was not a normal governess. She'd rather them have a pet that wouldn't starve when forgotten for a few days. The replacing of hamsters was getting a bit tedious.

And if she were to get a baby bogey... well, _those_ were trainable. They made amazingly good _imaginary friends_ and could become wonderful guard dogs…

Susan grinned at her own cleverness.

Why the hell not?


	63. 090 Perfection

Title: Perfection

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime heard an odd warbling drifting up through the attic floor and frowned. It sounded almost animalistic, and yet remained totally implacable. He'd heard something like it, of course. It almost had the sort of unearthly _high-low_ of a bogey, only smaller… much, much smaller.

Giggling, he dropped through the floor to find Susan and the children playing with what looked like a very confused cow crossed with a rather indignant kitten. Susan was laughing as she twitched a bit of string at it and Teatime grinned, deciding he liked this fearsome little beast that could make his Susan smile.


	64. 050 Camping

Title: Camping

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Over a few weeks, Teatime gradually lost all fear of the poker and the bedside drawer and began to spend his nights camped out in Susan's room. She was a little irritated at first that he would assume her privacy forfeit. But his presence began to grow on her.

He was always careful to stay a safe distance away, never so much as touching the bed without express permission. But at night, when Susan couldn't sleep, they talked. It was comforting having someone there. Especially Teatime who saw the world backwards and fragmented in his broken mirror of a mind...


	65. 014 Echoes

Title: Echoes

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Funny how he no longer saw his existence as Alive and Dead. No, over the months it turned into Before Susan and _Now. _Now was a wonderful place where Susan smiled and talked to him at night, where he didn't get beaten with pokers and bedside table drawers and all was right with the world. Before Susan was a dark, lonely place full of awkward misunderstandings and stupid, since killed bullies.

Susan filled up the empty, echoing spaces in his head now. All those dark, lonely bits were suddenly lit up and cheerful, and Teatime found he _really_ liked that.


	66. 066 Summer Heat

Title: Summer's Heat

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime didn't like it when Susan went out. He had a hard time following her and often got stopped by the members of the watch that could see him. Which meant Susan's days off generally found him pacing the floors, setting off the grandfather clocks just to have something to do.

Susan walked up the path humming to herself, completely oblivious to the sulking assassin on the stoop. As soon as he saw her, her launched to his feet, pressing his lips to hers with such consuming passion that for all either of them noticed it could have been summer.


	67. 088 Manuscript

Title: Manuscript

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

The logical, mature part of Susan's mind told her _no, bad girl! No biscuit. Don't you even think of bedding that assassin. He's __**dangerous.**_Problem being, the better half of her mind was screaming _BUGGER HIM SENSELESS! _It was a rather painful dilemma. One that left Susan sitting on her bed in the middle of the night, Teatime-less and contemplating the differences between her life and a romance novel. Normally not the most comforting of endeavors, Susan found herself rather liking the comparison today.

Especially so because it suggested that BUGGER HIM NOW was indeed the best course of action.


	68. 026 Breakable

Title: Breakable

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime was rather good at sex. It was a sort of talent of his. Probably right up there with being a quick learner. That night, Susan learned a very important lesson.

If one wants to continue having a rose on one's bedside table, one should probably remove the vase _before_ having the best sex of one's life. Otherwise, one's vase is liable to be shattered by one of four flailing arms.

Of course Teatime thought the whole thing was just hilarious. Which very nearly sent Susan for the poker with a rather… mischievous intent. She managed to restrain herself, however.


	69. 036 Veneer

Title: Veneer

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan had learned her lesson. _Really_. The next night, she moved the rose in its new vase to sit safely on top of the bureau. Unfortunately, because it was indeed _night_ it was also _dark_, which left Susan with a few candles on her bedside table.

She'd thought she'd put them far enough away to keep them from falling and catching the house aflame. She found out halfway through the night however that Teatime had very long arms.

Fortunately they fell onto the table, completely destroying the veneer but leaving the house unburnt. _That_ would've certainly been difficult to explain…


	70. 062 Fingertips

Title: Fingertips

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

They lay curled together in bed, time recently re-started, Susan with her back pressed up to Teatime's front, her fingers stroking his. She'd decided sometime within the last hour that she adored his calluses and so had proceeded to claim them as her own. That had amused Teatime to no end, and led to the blatant theft of a multitude of scars and freckles.

Teatime had a freckle. Just one. It was tucked to one side of his neck, almost under his left shoulder. It also happened to be incredibly sensitive, a fact Susan had exploited to its full potential.


	71. 064 Ladies Man

Title: Ladies' Man

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime painted idle, invisible pictures on the skin of Susan's back as she slept, smiling to himself all the while. He rather liked this new game of theirs. Especially as he was so good at it. It was fun seeing what he could make Susan do, how many things they could break without meaning to. He hadn't intended to knock over that candle at all, but when Susan did that clever little trick with her tongue…

He pressed a kiss to the slope of her shoulder, musing on how miserable his life had been compared to his utterly _brilliant_ death.


	72. 096 Rules

Title: Rules

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime was becoming rather too good at this game of theirs, which prompted the need for certain ground rules.

There was to be no playing around breakables of any sort. That included knickknacks, vases, wobbly bedposts and the children. There was to be no playing around anything that could leave lasting damage— candles, teapots, large frying pans, and again, the children.

There had been another, but Teatime _hated_ rules. And so, while Susan was beginning the third, he leaned forward and kissed her hard enough to steal her train of thought…

And then proceeded to break the first two rules.


	73. 051 Grave

Title: Grave

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Time had stopped, Susan realized, in the middle of the hallway. Time had stopped and _she_ hadn't asked it to.

"Hello, Grandfather," she said, turning as Binky snuffled her neck.

MR. TEATIME IS… BEING DIFFICULT, he said, managing to look both grave and awkward. HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?

Ah… She'd expected it'd come to this eventually.

"He's come back, yes," she said, trying not to make a complete idiot of herself. "But he's… he's actually been rather… _sweet_."

Death frowned. He knew humans had quite a few meanings for the word _sweet_… but none that could possibly apply to Teatime.


	74. 029 Color

Title: Color

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan didn't often blush. It simply wasn't in her nature. But now… Well, this was an awkward situation that fully warranted it.

"He's not a bother, really," she said, knowing her face must be absolutely flaming. "In fact, I've become… we're…" and then, in a desperate bid not to look foolish she blurted, "I've grown quite fond of him."

OF MR. TEATIME?

"Yes," she set her jaw, arms crossed. "It's nice having a ghost after all these years."

AN ASSASSIN'S GHOST.

"Yes."

WHY NOT A NICE FLORIST?

Susan almost laughed.

"No. No need to trouble yourself. Really, I'm quite content."


	75. 097 Unusual

Title: Unusual

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Death blinked.

THIS IS HIGHLY UNUSUAL, SUSAN.

"You could think of him as a pet," she offered.

HAVE YOU…?

Were Albert here, he'd have inserted a very helpful, _"'ave you buggered 'im yet then?" _

"Yes," Susan snapped before he could attempt a new, increasingly awkward question.

AND YOU…?

"I think so, yes." She nodded, her embarrassment fading in favor of recent, happy memories.

YOU ARE CERTAIN HE'S TAME?

"Tame enough."

AND YOU ARE CERTAIN YOU WOULDN'T PREFER A FLORIST?

"No, grandfather."

He digested this, deciding at last there were worse things than Teatime.

I WILL LEAVE HIM IN YOUR CARE.


	76. 095 New Direction

Title: New Direction

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

"You're really lettin' 'em go off together?" Albert asked, a cup of tea in his hands.

I THINK SO, YES.

"But he's mad, sir."

OH, YES.

"And bloody dangerous."

OF COURSE.

"He tried to kill the Hogfather."

AND VERY NEARLY SUCCEEDED.

"He tried to kill _you, _sir._"_

IT WOULDN'T HAVE WORKED.

Albert frowned, following him into the library

"But what about Susan?"

SUSAN IS MORE THAN CAPABLE OF FENDING FOR HERSELF.

"He could kill her in her sleep, sir."

SUSAN CANNOT BE KILLED.

That stopped the round little man dead in his tracks.

"Sir?"

SHE DOES NOT BELIEVE IN DEATH.


	77. 089 Ink

Title: Ink

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan sat cross-legged on the bed, her very sensible, leather bound journal laid out neatly before her. It had been a very… unusual day. One that she could not neglect writing about. And with Teatime gods only knew where, it was the perfect time to get said writing done.

Teatime watched her, waiting until she was occupied with before making his move. It didn't take much. A sweet stroke of a hand, a gentle kiss. Somewhere shortly after, Susan stopped time. Together they broke the already damaged bedpost and shattered the bottle of ink. Though really, neither was sure _how_.


	78. 081 Emblem

Title: Emblem

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan woke up the next morning nearly glued to Teatime's chest. He was still sleeping, blond curls in total disarray, and so Susan moved carefully to keep from waking him.

His fingers, she noticed as she rose, were stained with ink…

Frowning, Susan made her way to the mirror and turned so she could see. Apparently, she'd fallen asleep well before Teatime last night and so he'd occupied himself scrawling pictures down the length of her back with the ink they'd spilt. The main focus of her new artwork was the well-drawn, lopsided cat in the center of her back.


	79. 083 Monopoly

Title: Monopoly

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

If Teatime thought he held the monopoly on mischief he was dreadfully mistaken. Carefully, Susan stopped time, making sure the shift in air pressure didn't wake him. And then, easing a pair of scissors from their drawer, she gently set to work.

It took fifteen minutes before the last ghostly blond lock was banished to the floor, and Susan could barely stifle her laughter at the _very threatening master assassin_ sprawled naked on the bed.

Teatime looked utterly ridiculous bald.

Susan slipped off to dress then, all the while grinning like a cat who'd just outsmarted a _very_ tasty bird.


	80. 030 Grace

Title: Grace

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime was not a gracious loser. He hated being out smarted. Usually. But in this case, it sent a tingling sort of anticipation through him. Marveling at his missing hair, Teatime touched a hand to his head, watching as a moment later blond curls sprang back into existence.

He grinned, already plotting. He would need to do something very clever, something so bloody perfect that she couldn't hope to outsmart him.

What did Susan hate more than anything?

_Broken rules_.

Teatime grinned like a cat about to get the best revenge of his life.

Broken rules would do just fine.


	81. 098 Concentrate

Title: Concentrate

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan was trying to concentrate. Granted, the reading of a story never took much concentration, but something very… _Teatime_ was going on behind her. She'd felt him come in, of course. When he was sneaking about, the temperature always dropped. And now, as she tried to read a simple story to the children, _someone_ kept fiddling with her hair.

Or running his hands down her sides.

Or stroking ice against the back of her neck.

Or pressing kisses to the corner of her jaw.

In-between paragraphs, Susan traded her book for the poker. He _was_ breaking the rules, after all.


	82. 017 Naked

Title: Naked

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan lay with her back pressed against Teatime's front, relaxing in the comforting heat of the bath. It was nice to stop thinking for once and simply _exist_, soaking up the feeling of Teatime's hands in her hair. Even wet, her hair adored him, reaching out to twine around his fingers every time his hand moved away, pulling him closer as he stroked. Soon, she knew, he would get stuck and they'd have to get the comb. But for now…

Susan smiled as an arm snaked around her waist, pulling her closer in the most intimate of gentle embraces.

_Bliss._


	83. 043 Last Dance

Title: Last Dance

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

It never failed to astound Susan how much a bogey could grow in a few months' time. The little beast had changed its shape, but its feet were just as huge. It brought out Susan's most feminine side—the side that demanded she sweep it up and cuddle it every time it so much as blinked.

Teatime's arm around her waist, she watched as the children did an insane little dance, trying to catch a baby bogey who did _not_ want to sleep yet. And suddenly, she was struck by the oddest of thoughts.

_What if these children were… ours?_


	84. 024 Isolation

Title: Isolation

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Thoroughly disturbed at the inner workings of her own mind, Susan tucked the children into bed and promptly locked herself in the bathroom on the pretense of _nightly rituals_.

She didn't want children. She certainly didn't want children with _Teatime_, of all people. It was probably against the law to release such beautiful, cracked little monsters loose on the world. But there the thought sat and Susan couldn't help but pick at it with a sort of morbid fascination.

What would it be like to have a family? To have a life?

What would it be like to be _normal?_


	85. 061 Sigh

Title: Sigh

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime lay back on the bed with a sigh. He was very good at telling what sort of mood Susan was in without even looking at her. And now he could tell she was working herself up into one hell of a mood. Usually, these moods only happened once a month. Sometimes, if he was very careful, he could even avert those with a cuddle, a nice cup of tea and a box of chocolates.

This one was early and that Didn't Bode Well. For when Susan's moods came early, it generally meant he was in for hell later on.


	86. 045 Steady

Title: Steady

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan knew she needed to calm down or else she'd be worrying about nothing for the rest of the night. But every time she thought she'd composed herself, the worried jitters began again and she had to sit back down. A bath might help… but she knew if she filled the tub, Teatime would wander in to join her. Normally she'd welcome the company but tonight…

Tonight there was no tea to be had. She'd run out of chocolates yesterday. The cook hadn't made any more biscuits and here she was thinking about a life she'd never have.

Bloody brilliant.


	87. 072 Space

Title: Space

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Generally when Susan got like this it was best to let her have her space. But Teatime rather suspected it didn't apply in this case. Mostly because if he let her alone he was sure Susan would spend the entire night in the bathroom.

"Susan?" he called softly, easing open the bathroom door.

She was crying, or had been a moment ago, sitting now in the empty bathtub. Carefully, he picked her up and carried her back to bed, taking care to tuck her in before curling up beside her.

Tonight, he decided, was not a good night to talk.


	88. 076 Letters

Title: Letters

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan lay in the dark listening to what passed for Teatime's breathing now, forcibly _not _thinking. After a half hour, when his breathing had slowed into sleep, Susan felt herself again. She reached out to light a candle and retrieve her book, calmer now, eyes skimming over the letters on the page.

There was nothing wrong with this, she decided. It wasn't as though she were ever going to be _normal_, after all. And sleeping with a dead assassin wasn't any stranger than being the Death's granddaughter.

Slowly, Susan smiled to herself, shut the book and blew out the candle.


	89. 021 Born

Title: Born

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime hadn't actually gone to sleep. He simply lay quietly in the dark, one arm around Susan's waist, listening to her fidget and mutter to herself. His thoughts wandered off, spiraling off into infinity, most of them around Death.

All things had a beginning. They had to. Otherwise, they'd never exist. So, if one followed that logic, at some point in time, Death would have to have been Born. Which would imply that Death had Lived.

But as the theory confused the hell out of him, he settled for wondering if Death knew what to do about Susan's moods instead.


	90. 052 Machine

Title: Machine

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Somewhere in the logical machine that was Susan's mind, she had had a Thought. It wasn't the ordinary _I wonder if I've left the kettle on_ sort of thought. It was the _I've found a loophole in the universe_ Thought. Which justified her use of capitals rather nicely.

Everything the Auditors had damaged had been set right in the end. The Hogfather was alive; the Tooth Fairy was back in business; and a few of the Auditors themselves destroyed.

But Teatime was only _dead_ because of those bloody Auditors. So, logically, if they were really going to set everything right…


	91. 047 Voodoo

Title: Voodoo

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU'D ASK, Death said in answer to her question, indicating she should follow him.

"So you can do something then?" Susan asked, trying not to sound too hopeful in case something went wrong.

I CANNOT. MR. TEATIME SEEMS TO HAVE MADE IT HIS GOAL IN EXISTENCE TO BE DIFFICULT.

Susan frowned as together they slipped into the Hourglass Room.

"But couldn't you just turn his life timer upside down for a bit?"

THAT IS THE PROBLEM, he said and stopped, indicating an empty space upon the shelf. MR. TEATIME'S HOURGLASS IS NOT EMPTY. IT IS MISSING.


	92. 073 Whitewash

Title: Whitewash

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

For a moment, all thought _stopped_, leaving Susan to stare blankly around at the whitewashed walls and towering stacks of hourglasses.

"What do you mean _it's missing_?"

IT NO LONGER OCCUPIES THE SPACE LABELED JONATHAN TEATIME.

Susan pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation.

"No, I mean _how_ has it gone missing? Where did you leave it?"

I HAVE NOT TOUCHED IT SINCE IT WAS MADE.

"And you're sure you left it here?"

YES. ALBERT WAS FRYING SOMETHING AND THE SMELL WAS HORRENDOUS.

Susan sighed.

"Well then. Where is it?"

GONE.

"Gone?"

Death shrugged.

THIS HAS NOT HAPPENED BEFORE.


	93. 071 Morgue

Title: Morgue

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

"Well," Susan said logically, "Where did you leave his body?"

IN A MORGUE.

"Which morgue?"

IT WOULD NOT DO ANY GOOD TO FIND IT NOW.

"Why not?"

IT WILL HAVE TURNED TO SOUP.

Dearly hoping he didn't mean that literally, Susan turned to look at the little gold plaque with its _Jonathan R. Teatime _in neat, flowing script.

"His hourglass is missing…" she murmured to herself. "And if he hasn't got an hourglass, that means he doesn't exist. Unless… unless his hourglass has _moved._"

Susan turned, on the verge of another Thought.

"Is it possible that he could have changed?"


	94. 053 Destruction

Title: Destination

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan strode off for the Gods and Other Anthropomorphic Personification room, her grandfather following close behind.

IT IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY, SUSAN.

"I find Teatime to be highly unlikely period," she said, grinning as she scanned the racks.

GENERALLY SPEAKING, I FIND HUMANS RARELY _STOP_ BEING HUMAN.

There, three rows under Blind Io, and a dozen or so hourglasses to the right of _Bilious, Rather Queasy Oh God of Hangovers_ sat a strange, corkscrewed hourglass filled with what looked like very tiny bits of a broken mirror.

It said, in familiar, lopsided scrawl,

_Jonathan R. Teatime (Teh-ah-tim-eh), Anthropomorphic Personification of Belief_


	95. 075 Sleep

Title: Sleep

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan wasn't sure what to do when she returned home. Here she'd been thinking her relationship with Teatime _hadn't_ been weirder than her twisted family tree, only to find that somehow she was being haunted by an insane former Assassin turned Chronically Mispronounced Oh Anthropomorphic Personification of Belief.

Or something. Susan was giggling too hard at that point to make heads or tails of whatever it was Teatime had managed to turn himself into.

"What am I going to do with you," she murmured at the sleeping… whatever he was and went off to make a nice cup of tea.


	96. 099 Believe

Title: Belief

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

"I'm _what_?" Teatime asked, struggling to sit up, mostly covered in a mound of blankets. Susan tried very hard not to laugh at her _fierce_ Assassin, looking something more like a confused bogeyman with insane bed-head.

"Apparently you've become the Anthropomorphic Personification of Belief." She laughed, offering him a cup of tea. "Care to tell me how you managed that?"

Teatime took the cup and stared off into space.

"I suppose that's what all those voices are then?" he asked at last, grinning as he drank his tea. "I suppose that's good. They were beginning to worry me a bit."


	97. 078 Music

Title: Music

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

He'd never had voices in his head before and so he found the whole experience rather interesting. They were never very loud. Sometimes, if he sat very still and listened, he could make out the individual words. Usually they were boring things like _she will marry me _and _I'll strike it rich soon_ and _there's something in the laundry eating all my socks_.

He liked it better when he dozed off, and the words stopped meaning anything becoming a sort of music just behind his eyes. _That_ was really lovely. He wished Susan could hear it too. That'd be nice…


	98. 080 Cards

Title: Cards

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

A week or so later, Teatime wandered downstairs in the middle of the day, having grown board of throwing things at the children when they weren't looking. He found Mrs. Gaiter and a group of women playing cards in the living room. One woman in particular caught his attention as she was younger than the rest and in possession of a rather ornate ring her lover had given her.

They were, she said, _to be married_.

And so Teatime wandered off, wondering if Susan didn't want a ring as well. She'd never asked for one, but then sometimes she didn't…


	99. 091 Ring

Title: Ring

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Teatime had found out some time ago that if he concentrated very hard, he could _believe_ things into being. So, lying on his back in bed, he concentrated on the sort of ring Susan would like.

She'd liked her necklace. In fact, she rarely took it off. Which was rather nice when they became… too distracted to light the candles.

Perhaps she'd like a ring that glowed like that. Something clean and simple that no one would notice, but could light up a room given the proper motivation.

Something cold and bright dropped into Teatime's palm and he smiled.

_Perfect._


	100. 100 Happiness

Title: Happiness

Author: Kytten

Pairing: Susan x Teatime

Rating: PG

Words: 100

* * *

Susan hadn't expected Teatime to propose. She hadn't known he was even aware of what _marriage_ was, much less the process one generally took to get there. And yet…

"I've made you a ring," he announced, holding it out flat in the palm of his hand.

"It's beautiful," she said. And it was. When she put it on, it lit and pulsed with the swell of her mood.

Teatime grinned, rocking on his heels, his arms tucked neatly behind his back.

"Would you like to be married?" he asked.

And strange as it was, Susan found she'd never been happier.


End file.
